There is a man named Toe-Jam Sam
Who lives behind our school,
He never cuts his fingernails
Or toenails as a rule.
He never ever takes a bath,
He never cuts his hair,
He mostly eats potato chips
And crumbs are everywhere!

I’m thinkin’ that when I grow up
I’d like to live like Sam,
‘Cause no one tells him what to do
He won’t say, “Thank-you Ma’am!”
No one yells at Toe-Jam Sam
Or says, “You have to eat!”
No one makes him change his socks
Since all he wears are feet.

I wish I could meet Toe-Jam Sam,
I’d make him my best friend —
As long as every light stayed on —
And it was all pretend.